Strength and weakness

In a very distinctive weak moment of my life, when my hands were shaking and legs trembling, even though more figuratively than physically, but deep in my mind they really were, as my heart was pounding with a surge of mixed emotional reactions for that is where the real fear lay hidden and comes to attack our stubborn ego of righteousness; I decided to pray to God to give me strength and I wasn’t surprised that He didn’t respond. For last couple of weeks, the hospital have become more homely than my actual home from my frequent round trips owing to dad’s deteriorating health conditions and put me through uncountable moments of helplessness when I have questioned myself whom to look forward to for support when my back is pushed against the wall.

So, I decided to pray and was almost dejected as the fear of sinking took me over, in a sudden turnaround of thoughts, these wonderful lines of poetry from Tagore resounded – “Lord, who has given the burden, has also bestowed the strength to carry it”. I realized that I needn’t pray for hope any more, I had everything in me and no matter what I will not go down without a fight. I will bring dad back home – happy and healthy. Right now, at 3:30 AM, sitting in the waiting room of the hospital emergency and listening to occasional shrill of agony from other patients, I feel more spirited than ever. O great poet, I salute you for being with me in the darkest hour and deepest despair.

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